Mini Squid Girl vs Mini Ryoko Asakura
by Themulchmeister
Summary: Possibly the most epic of all Duel X-Overs...Yes even more epic than Alucard and Ichigo Kurosaki versus Dark Schneider and Goku in a tag team deathmatch!


_Inspired by episode 6 of Squid Girl and the Haruhi-chan Suzumiya series...And loads of complete nonsensical crack...I give you..._

**Mini Squid Girl vs. Mini Ryoko Asakura**

The bets had all been placed and the audience were on the edge of their seats...

The most epic battle of the night was about to commence...

-No wait a minute let me say it another way.

We gave Yuki some scrunched up pieces of paper with dollar signs on it.

The audience was seven including myself; an alien; a time travelling cutie; an Esper; a supposed god of the entire universe; and Taniguchi and Kunikida were also here.

When I said 'on the edge of our seats' I really meant, hoarding around some shallow fish tank in the middle of Yuki's living room.

And by epic battle...Well that was of course Yuki's (you thought I was going to say Haruhi there didn't you – well hah! You're wrong go home!) way of describing a fight between two strange creatures she happened to come across recently.

And as she held the two little combatants in each palm, Yuki stared deadpan at the rest of us. "Are we all ready?"

"Hell yeah!" Haruhi cheered. It seemed she had put a lot of paper on one of them to win.

"This looks like it might be really entertaining." The snide Esper Koizumi obligingly added.

"Umm...Yeah..." My gorgeous fantasy (I mean Mikuru) said nervously.

"Tch. Let's just get this over with." Taniguchi dismissed with the wave of his hand. Shut up Taniguchi I'm the designated cynic anyway!

"Okaaay." Yuki said with a very monotonous cheer. "I will now place them into the arena, let the battle between Mini Asakura and Mini Squid Girl begin."

Okay so you're probably wondering how Yuki got her hands on a mini Ryoko Asakura – which by the way me and her go way back when she tried to kill me...good times...and a mini Squid Girl: well...

...Actually I'm not really sure either...Anyway let's get on with the main plot here.

The tiny tentacled menace that was mini squid girl stared down at her psychopathic opponent with beady black pearl for eyes. She launched herself off a tiny plastic rock as she lunged at Mini Asakura with her deadly tentacles aimed.

But Mini Asakura knew some skills of her own it seemed as she cartwheeled out of the attack, splashing the water (which must have been like knee deep for them. Kicking up huge waves as she charged.

"_~Kyaah~"_

"_~Haaggh~"_

The mini monsters squeaked out in their battle cries as they strangled, wrestled and pulled the hair of their fellow opponent. Using all sorts of diabolical tactics to drive the other foe into submission.

"_~Squid! Squid! SQUIIID!~"_ It seemed Mini Squid was getting the upper hand now as she sprung a whole eight centimetres into the air, blocking out the sun that was the 30W light build in the room as she descended upon the helpless Asakura.

"_~Gah! I won't lose to a spineless invertebrate like you!~"_ The ferocious little serial killer declared as she grabbed some of Mini Squid's tentacles, tying them together then swinging the poor Squid or whatever the hell she is around by the tentacle.

"_~Uwaoh-uwaoh-uwaoh-uwaoh-Squiiiddleeuurrgh!~" _The mini mollusc grew sick from all the spining and threw up a drop of ink vomit.

The battle would continue as they-

Wait a minute – why the hell am I the one having to narrate this crap!-?

"Hey Haruhi, why don't you take over the stupid commentary from here."

Haruhi seemed annoyed that I took her eyes off a 'fantastic' battle. "What are you ranting on a about Kyon?" She chided. "Just shut up and enjoy the awesome duel!"

"Well how about you Taniguchi? I seriously have no will to continue the story."

"What?" Taniguchi gave me the cockeye. "Look man I've got enough problems as it is...Just stop breaking the fourth wall and get back to what you're always meant to do."

Ugh...

Anyway...

"_~Kyah! Uhuhuhuhoo that huurt!~" _Well it looked like the 'battle' between a mini fish girl thing and a miny alien yandere thing came to an anti-climatic end (though I could hardly call it climatic in the first place.

"_~Ohohohoho! Squid you sucker!~" _The tyrannical tentacledness was taunting the loser, laughing with one tentacle held to her mouth in a princess laugh as the other ones were whipping Asakura's pin-sized buttocks.

"Hey that's enough!" Yuki seemed quite stern with those little pets of hers – I think one of the hairs in her nose might have raised a little. "I will now declare this round over..." She scooped up the poor little Asakura and pinched one of Mini squid's tentacles, lifting it up like the adjudicator does in a boxing match. "I declare Mini Squid Girl the winner."

Good now I can go home.

"Oh no you won't Kyon!" Haruhi interrupted my thoughts. "What bullcrap! I put a lot of paper on that damn Asakura." Needless to say, it seems Haruhi wasn't satisfied with the result. In fact she walked around the fishtank arena (it was more like two and half steps but anyway) and slammed her palm on the table. "You tell that little Asakura to get the hell back in there and win my paper back!"

Seriously, surely I'm not the only sane one here. Could one of you guys explain the eight things wrong with what she's saying?

What about you Koizumi?

"Well it looks like a rematch may be in order." Koizumi explained with utmost seriousness. "It looked like Mini Squid was playing foul, in fact..." The damn Esper pulled out a tiny book (and I literally mean it was the size of his thumb!) and equally scaled sized reading glasses, flicking through the hundred or so pages. "According to rule 845; section 32; paragraph 4: A mini combatant is forbidden to use any supernatural weaponry against their mini opponent including mini spells, mini voodoo, mini summons, mini self-cloning, and mini tentacles or tentacle-like objects.

"~_Hah! What the Kraken hell is wrong with me using my tentacles?~" _The little squidster protested.

"Yeah! If anything, Asakura won by default." Haruhi persisted.

But Yuki seemed to disagree. "Well if you refer to rule 529; section 21; paragraph 8; line 2: Mini Combatants are allowed to use any extension of their body, including fingernails, toenails and hair to attack their opponents."

Not you too Yuki. Okay guys I'm really not interested in this pointless argument anymore.

"PLEASE JUST LET MY CUTE LITTLE SQUID WIN!" Miss Asahina literally broke down in a sobbing wreck as Kunikida made himself useful for the first and only time in this story and tended to the poor crying time-traveller.

Okay so maybe now I had some reservations for who should win the match of the mini monsters. "Yes! I agree with Yuki!" I suddenly find myself blurting out. "Mini Squid won the match fair and square!"

"You mean Mini Squid _Girl_?" Koizumi just _had _to add.

"Grrr...So your in on this little fraud as well are ya Kyon?" Haruhi bunched her fists, boiling with rage. "Y'know, I thought you of all people would hold the values of honesty and virtue to task, but I guess your record is inked in guilt as well."

Well I – wait why is Haruhi Kraken the ocean based puns – oh crap now I am!

"Hehehehe...HEHEHE**GAHAHAHAHAHA!-!-!-!-!-!-!**" Laughter was building up from none other than that other weird kid – by that I mean Taniguchi of course. A devilish grin crept up his face as his eyes were hidden in shadow. "**Alright, I know a good way to settle this...**" He pulled out a huge bag (god Taniguchi blowing us all up won't make a difference!) but in fact he pulled down the sipper and produced an even smaller bag. Then he opened that one up and held out a tiny steel cage. "**How 'bout we see if that little squid can last thirty seconds against this little pet of mine...**" Placing his little cage into the fish-tank he slowly lifted open the lid. Whatever was lurking inside was hidden entirely in an eerie shadow; its eyes shone like two tiny red LED lights of doom.

"My God..." Haruhi suddenly reeled back, holding her arm up in fear. "You don't mean-"

"**Oh yes Miss Suzumiya...**" Taniguchi nodded with a twinkle in his grin. "**None other than...**"

"_**~Minyoron! Minyoroooooon! GRAGGGH!~**" _The Green-haired Suisu-chiizu wielding Tsuruya sprinted towards the now frightened Mini Squid.

For some reason (Miss Asahina's tears if I remember now) I was cheering for the sashimi-slashing Squid to win. "Go Squid Girl!"

"_Mini_ Squid Girl..." Thanks again Koizumi (not...).

"_~Oh! Holy Squid!~" _The terrifying tentacled warrior was now as useless as a sea sponge, shielding underneath her tentacles for protection of the Cheesed Chimeron.

"COME ON SQUID GIRL!" I'm yelling again. "I-I BELIEVE IN YOU!"

I think I was causing a few stares from everyone now. What I was just getting in on their weirdness too.

But the little beady eyes mollusc lit up like a glow worm as she heard my inspirational words. _"~Unn...Okay I'll win this fin!~"_

But she should have been looking at the Mi-Nyoron that was closing in her with her Suisu-chiizu raised. "**HAAYAH!**"

"NOOO!" I cried out.

But alas...it was too late for this little emissary of the sea...

"**AHAHAHAHAHA!**" Taniguni laughed out like the evil fiend that he was.

"SQUIIID!" Asahina reached out to save the little creature from the tank but to no avail.

_I never knew Squid Girl until today...But she had changed my life more than anyone...She showed me how I could be myself and still believe in the future at the same time..._

_...Mini Squid Girl...You will be missed..But not forgotten..._

_Please Rest In Peace_

* * *

Aww...Who'd of thought this could have a sad ending eh? Well I'm really enjoying writing (albeit being the only writer of) _Squid Girl_ X-overs. So as long as I keep getting reviews and motivation, you never know what other Kraken weird stuff I'll come up with!


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